Me?! An Idolater?!

It was a little over a year ago I was challenged in my heart to admit I was an idolater.

Out of all of the things Paul called out “adultery, fornication, witchcraft, hatred, murders, and idolaters” (Gal 5)… I wasn’t doing any of them…

or was I?

A friend of mine had attended a conference where she purchased a book called Idol Lies: Facing the Truth About Our Deepest Desires by Dee Brestin

She defined 3 main idols that we can have:

Control / Power

Affirmation / Approval

Comfort / Security

I happen to love food… particularly coffee, and anything cake like. Doughnuts, cake… cake doughnuts… even brownies and cookies.. chocolate…mmmm… I enjoy good chocolate.. just being real.

Even as I write this… “love”…. Maybe I shouldn’t use this strong of a word for food anymore?

That warm gushy feeling inside when I think of a delicious warmed, fresh out of the oven chocolate chip deep dish cookie from Broadway Pizza topped with ice cream hot fudge and whipped cream!?... mmmm, yummy right?

It’s the feeling you may have just gotten by reading that. It’s the feeling associated with a thing. A created thing. Albeit a delicious, created thing… still- why do I feel an emotion when I partake of something like food?
IN FACT…Why do I feel an emotion when I partake of something like food…. ESPECIALLY when it isn’t even healthy for me? …

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying treats are evil… but I’m admitting something to you.

One of the deeply hidden, ugly, nasty, rotten roots in my heart has been an idol of comfort- and it looks really good- like the cookie I just mentioned a minute ago. But Jesus showed me how ugly it really looks in my heart. In the Spirit realm.

You see, I began to notice a pattern… anytime I would get in a very stressful situation, or I would have an argument with my husband, or I would feel anxiety or stress from a circumstance… I began to notice that the first thing I would do, is resolve that what I deserved was a treat!

That’s right! Dang-it! I deserve a GIANT piece of CAKE for what I just went through! And I’ll just go eat it in secret, and no one will know! But I’ll have a little pity party- complete with confetti frosting…

And I found myself actually indulging in eating to find my comfort.

Then, later… once I regretfully finished my “desert” that only made me feel 100 x worse… I would ask Jesus to comfort me…

You see… He wasn’t my first love. I had committed the greatest sin of all. I hadn’t loved Him most. And my actions were living proof.

If I had TRULY loved Him most- I would have RUN to His arms first, told Him how badly I want the cake- and how icky I feel inside- and He would wipe it all away. Because that’s what He does. He honors us when we take Him at His Word and put Him first.

Seek First His Kingdom and His righteousness, and ALL these things will be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)

It began to sink in that I actually had a comfort idol. It manifested in different ways. Food wasn’t the only way.

Here’s something that was really tough to uncover…

I liked my morning time. I would wake up early (6am), grab my devotionals and my Bible, brew myself a cup of coffee and sit by my window to have some time with Jesus. Sounds perfectly good right?!

But the frustration that would come over me if my little one would come walking right out 5 minutes after I sit down would overwhelm me. ‘How can I possibly seek You, Lord if I have my child in my lap and now he needs me?! I just can’t get anything done!’

I began to see a pattern. If I was doing this out of routine and “comfort”- Lincoln would, no doubt, come out almost right after I would sit down. And my time would be, what I thought at the time, “interrupted”…

If I was just up, and purely enjoying The Lord and His presence. Asking Him what He’d like me to read, listening FIRST, and actually seeking Him for Him- I would have the most amazing, incredible, drawn out times of devotion to Jesus I’ve ever had. I would hear Him clearly speak to my spirit. And, I kid you not, the MOMENT I was finished, Lincoln would come out of his room, in perfect time.

The Lord taught me that my heart had to be right if I wanted the honor of alone time in His presence. Also, I believe He was testing me. If I can’t even love on my son, and appreciate the gift God has given me, even if it is seemingly “interrupting” my time …( in truth- time to myself… not necessarily with God)… How am I even loving God truly?

My motives were all wrong sometimes- and those times- He would not bless.

But, the times when I was solely focused on my King, were blessed beyond measure.

It was that idol. That idol of comfort.

The comfort of being in solitude. The comfort of no noise, and no work. The comfort of being alone for just a moment. The comfort of doing whatever I wanted, for me. Having my thoughts to myself, uninterrupted.

Again, there is nothing wrong with having alone time, or taking care of yourself, and there is definitely nothing wrong with having time for devotion to Jesus… but what I am getting at here is the heart behind it.

And I am thankful that Jesus so graciously showed me the nasty roots in mine.

I am currently working on forever uprooting them.

What does God say we should do with our idols?...

1 John 5:21 “Little children- keep yourselves from idols, amen.”

Galatians 5:20 (that verse of what not to do I mentioned earlier?...) Idolaters… they shall not inherit the Kingdom of God… By the way, this is not talking about going to heaven.. our salvation is in Christ alone- by His grace alone. But I don’t want to miss out on what the Kingdom has for me now!

Colossians 3:5 “So KILL (deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members… for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God.”

BOOM!

I am not perfect. I won’t pretend to be. And even once I get rid of this comfort idol once and for all, I will always have more to work on. But this journey has been an intense one.

In fact, I believe God wants to deal with me on this so strongly He brought my family and I on an intentional journey just within the past few weeks.

Now, I believe there are many reasons for the journey we were on as a family, but I am going to deal with the topic I am already on.

The idol of comfort I am currently uprooting.

The good and sovereign Lord allowed my family to go through a 2 month period of not having a home.

Through a series of circumstances, when we thought we had enough time to find a home, thing, after thing, after thing, continued to fall through.

The average person would have looked at us and thought a number of various things.

That we were irresponsible, that we were idiots, that we need to get our crap together, that we weren’t trying, that we ‘should have’ this, and we ‘should have’ that… etc.

In all actuality,(even though this process has driven us to make some other personal changes in how we do things), I knew from the beginning- God was doing this for a purpose greater than I can even understand right now. And greater than most people would be able to understand along our journey.

Why would God allow us to be without a home, you ask?...

Technically He didn’t…

Well, technically He did, and technically He didn’t.

But you can read more about that in my other writings about our journey…

He took care of us the entire time.

We never went hungry, we never went without a roof.

But let me tell you something… it was EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Hmm… uncomfortable.

I think one of the first things one of my very closest friends told me was, “It’s almost as if God is stripping you of all of your comforts!”…

BING!

I knew what she had said was right!

That was ONE of the BIG things that our awesome God was doing. Now, I’m not saying He was punishing me, or saying, “FINE! I’m taking away all of your comforts! Boom! You’re homeless”…

But, I think that He was answering my prayers… You see- over the last year or so, I have been intentionally more prayerful.

I have been diligently asking The Lord for discernment, and letting Him know- if it’s not YOU – I don’t want it!

So I was very diligent in asking Him to close EVERY door that was not of Him… And let me tell you, He was not shy in closing every door… for two months straight…

At times it got discouraging. I was tempted to worry and fear what others were thinking and saying of me, my husband, and even my faith.

But I KNEW…. To the CORE of my being…. I KNEW, that God was in this, and HE was guiding us… we just needed to stay the course and stay patient.

I had days where I would burst into tears and just weep out of frustration, hurt feelings, feeling rejected, like a failure, like a leper.

I am human.

But God sweetly continued to remind me that He was holding us. And I trusted Him.

And even after door, after door, after door, after door, after door… (there were a lot more doors) was closed… Here I am, typing on my computer, in our home that God has given us. I am blessed.

Because, there was the one…

The one door that God opened, and In His perfect timing. Almost 2 months to the day. I could not have planned this if I had tried. God needed to show His hand.

It was after all of these doors continued to close, that I began to beg for an open one- THE open one… and He continued to reassure me, “it’s coming” … and sure enough, it did.

I also recognize His hand in this because, the area He has planted us is not where I would have chosen. I figured it was a bit too far north of where we would typically work etc…

Within one weekend God showed me that not only are we directly between both of my parents at equal distances, but that we are only 10 minutes from our church, and only 5-10 minutes from countless friends from our church family whom we love dearly!

Can I just tell you, that in our 8 years of being married we have almost NEVER lived in the same city as our friends. If we did, there would be maybe one friend that one of us really loved, or enjoyed being with sometimes, but never couples, and families that we all enjoy being around.

Not only this, but we are ending up saving hundreds of dollars per month now that we live where we do, and we feel as though we have majorly upgraded

God knew. He knew exactly what we needed, but He needed to prepare our hearts, and our home

I was reading in my Oswald Chambers devotional tonight, and it actually inspired me to write this piece…

Here is an excerpt: My Utmost for His Highest: July 16

“Matthew 7:11 ‘…how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!’

…Keep our minds filled with the concept of God’s control over everything. (we must) maintain an attitude of perfect trust and an eagerness to ask and to seek.

… God is there. . . . remember, “My heavenly Father knows all about this!”. . . it will be natural for (us) when difficulties and uncertainties arise…

…you used to go from person to person seeking help, but now you go to God about it. . . God is my Father, He loves me, and I will never think of anything that He will forget, so why should I worry? . . .

At times God will appear like an unkind friend, but He’s not; He will appear like an unnatural father, but He is not; He will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. . .

Not even the smallest detail of life happens unless God’s will is behind it. Therefore, you can rest in perfect confidence in Him. “ask, and it will be given to you. . . “

Be encouraged, friends.

Be blessed.

And always remember, to GLOW from the inside out.

Love, Crystal